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Not Saying Has Consequences

I’ve come to believe that not saying anything is the most over-used communication strategy in couples. It’s not a bad strategy when used appropriately. For example, there are many things you might choose not to talk about because they are minor and would offend for no reason: a style choice, a passing grumpy mood, a silly mistake. The saying, if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all, makes sense to me. No need to criticize without a purpose. However, it’s also important to remember that the saying is not: if you have something unpleasant, difficult or emotional to say, don’t say anything at all. Too often we avoid saying something that might be hard or prompt an emotional response. The belief is that if we abstain from saying anything then we are not responsible. Our     . . . read more

Two New Workshops this Fall

I’m pleased to announce two new mini-workshops, specifically for women, to take place in my office at 203 Anderson Street in Portland, Maine. These are intended to be small and highly interactive, so space is limited. Getting to “No” Guilt-free Tuesday, September 24th 12:00-1:30pm This mini-workshop is for nice women who need specific strategies for how and when to say no, all while overcoming guilt. Whether you are over-extended at home, work, or both, this workshop is designed to give you the tools and confidence you need to stop the stress of never saying no. You will learn: Why no is nice How to gracefully, but firmly, say no When it makes sense to say no Why relationships suffer when you fail to say no How relationships benefit when you say no more often How to recognize unrealistic expectations of     . . . read more

Assertiveness

  Assertiveness is… caring about a situation, cause, one’s self, or a relationship enough to speak or take action when needed. preserving one’s integrity, duty, connection, or worth. well-intentioned words or actions for the benefit of truth, justice, fairness, safety, well-being, or connectedness. exercising a human right to set and maintain boundaries, which are the basis of healthy, functional relationships. a respectful exchange of words, ideas, or actions that leads to a productive outcome. validating the feelings of all involved even when there is discord and disagreement. using skillful communication to motivate others to listen and respond appropriately. In short, assertiveness is a way of communicating that allows us to have authentic, connected relationships and a thoughtful, effective response to disagreement, discord, difficulty, and disregard.   Want to learn more about assertiveness? The Women’s Mini-Workshop on Assertiveness is this Thursday     . . . read more

Assertiveness for Women Mini-Workshop

Clear and Kind: Assertiveness for (Nice) Women Mini-Workshop at Hannah’s office 203 Anderson St. Portland, Maine Thursday, July 18th 2:30-4pm Learn to speak in ways that people will listen. Will use real-world examples. Cost is $30 and you can sign up by emailing at [email protected] ****I will run this if I can get 4 participants signed up by Monday the 15th**** I’m going to be trying to run some of these mini-workshops in the next few months on different topics so stay tuned. Let me know if you have any interest or requests for specific topics.

Freedom

Freedom is NOT: pushing down real feelings a stubborn refusal to talk about what’s really going on looking to appearances and perfection to give you worth striving for accomplishment to give your life meaning expecting so much of others that they can’t possibly fulfill your needs pretending things are easy and fine trying with everything you do to show you are deserving seeing every attempt that falls short as a failure                 Freedom IS: learning to tolerate the full range of human emotion opening up to cherished loved ones in times of joy and in need believing in the inherent worth of each person (including yourself) using appearances as self expression connecting with others, yourself, and nature to give your life meaning following your passions to fulfill your needs being real about what’s     . . . read more