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Can Respectful Disagreement Bring Us Together?

Being a therapist has taught me that to disagree effectively is to build connection and unity. Talking in-depth for thousands of hours with dozens, if not hundreds, of people has had a profound impact on me. I am wiser, stronger, and happier than I would be otherwise, because I have connected with them and seen the world through their eyes. I also feel more clear that everyone makes sense in the context of their lives. Most people are coming from a good place most of the time. People make choices that reflect their life experience, what they were taught, and what they value. These things vary dramatically person to person, naturally. This seems obvious, but we see the world and speak from our own lens. Every single person has perspectives and internal narratives that are distorted, unhelpful, and just plain     . . . read more

Get Paid What You Deserve

When you get to the point of talking money, it means you have successfully navigated most of the way through a process. Perhaps your interview was a hit, and you’ve been offered the job. Or maybe the new client saw your website and wants to work with you. It’s the moment where you get to discuss the details and the dollars. Feel a little nervous just thinking about what your work is worth? Do you struggle to state your price? You are not alone. This topic is fraught with anxiety for even the most competent among us. Here are 5 tips to be Effectively Frank™ about money, so you can set the fear aside and get focused on getting paid what you deserve. Flip It The first thing that needs to happen is to set aside your discomfort and anxiety.     . . . read more

Know “NO.” Change Your Life.

What happens when you learn why it’s better to say “no” when that’s the honest answer? What happens when you are clear on how to say “no” effectively? What happens when you have a “no” for all occasions? Participants of the last workshop on the Positive Power of “NO” are the best people to tell you what you gain from learning “NO”:  You will understand how saying a dishonest “yes” robs you of time, energy, and joy. It will give you a specific game plan and new skill set to be able to get your joy and freedom back. You will deeply understand that no IS nice, and saying it clearly and kindly improves relationships. This will give you more confidence in yourself. You will have a whole new language for saying “no” in every situation. These “no’s” are sincere     . . . read more

3 Ways to Repair a Relationship Rut

Feeling a disconnect between you and your partner? Perhaps even seething with anger and frustration toward him/her? You’ve been hurt or misunderstood. Or perhaps you’ve done the hurting or been misunderstanding. Relationships are full of ruptures – moments or experiences of missing each other on an emotional level. Often we feel wounded by the fracture.  “It’s like he doesn’t even know me!”  “She has no idea how much thought I put into this, and all I get is criticism!”   Get the Right Perspective When a rift occurs, the instinct is to fight, dwell, vent and stew- sometimes to friends and sometimes to our partners directly. Often the more we dig in, the more we prolong and deepen the pain. When emotions run high, it can feel that there is no way out. We decide we can only budge if     . . . read more

The Surprising Thing Authentic People Do (That You Probably Don’t)

Amongst people at dinner parties, networking events, and behind the closed door of my office, I hear, “I don’t want drama. I want honesty. I dislike fakey-fake.” Then invariably I hear this declaration from one of the people I just described, in response to some interpersonal issue they are having: “You know what the problem is? I’m just too nice!”  My response to this statement depends on the audience. If you have the misfortune of being my friend, I drop a (loving) truth bomb on you. Otherwise, I make my point a little more gently and in time. If you’re my blog reader, I’ll tell you like this: No, you are definitely not too nice. You can’t be too nice. What you are actually talking about is being dishonest, cowardly, and part of the problem you say you want to avoid.      . . . read more