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Do You Need to Be Right?

The motivation is clear: it can feel so good, so powerful to be “right.” But is it really worth it? What do you gain? The truth is: you can pursue being right but at the cost of being unhappy. Basically, if you approach conversations, dialogue, or arguments with the intention to “win” or “be right” you are playing a lonely game. How we interact with others is not a sport. You can’t win, but you can certainly lose the relationship. Every interaction is a chance to connect or disconnect, to step towards understanding or discord. If you treat your interactions as a chance to “one up” another person, you are fundamentally missing the point. You will continue to create disconnection- even if you feel you have “won.” You have to decide what’s actually important- do you want to be right or     . . . read more

5 Ways Speaking Up Makes Our Lives Better

Yesterday I had the opportunity to co-facilitate a discussion on the theme “Dare to Speak Up and Be Heard” with the organization, Women Standing Together. It was a great group of interesting, competent, accomplished women. Still, most agreed on one thing: it’s too easy to hold back and not say things we want and need to say. Speaking up can be hard and scary. Too often, with women in particular, there is a fear that speaking up and saying things in a direct manner will produce negative emotional reactions in others and make us vulnerable to being seen as mean, defensive, stupid, or incompetent. My observations about effectively speaking up are different. I think the common outcomes of thoughtfully sharing our observations is a positive one. Here are some surprising and very real benefits of saying (skillfully) what’s on our     . . . read more

Speak Up and (Actually) Be Heard: Effectively Frank™ Fall Offerings

The ability to communicate clearly and effectively is one of the most powerful tools we have to improve our lives. Skilled communication enhances relationships, reduces stress, and leads to better results at work. I’m passionate about teaching people how to find the “sweet spot”: being straightforward without offending- so that you can truly be heard. Communication is really the combination of many skills. No wonder it’s a tricky thing. You actually need to master many smaller tools in order to build your communication superpower. The good news is that communication is something that can be improved with knowledge and practice. In fact, that’s the only way to do it! This is why I created Effectively Frank™, a 5 step process that breaks down the skills you need to be successful. This Fall, I have 2 special offerings for those ready to     . . . read more

Excuses, Excuses: What Gets in the Way of Attending to Your Health?

Yesterday I wrote about what I think it means to be truly healthy. I know this kind of discussion easily lends itself to excuses and talk of how hard it is. I get it, on some level, but I really want you to be healthy. It’s too important. So humor me and read why I think the following excuses are mostly bunk:  I want to be healthy, but it’s really selfish No, it’s not. Wanting to feel well in your body is not selfish, it’s a healthy and normal desire. If you are willing to starve your children to ensure your own well-being, I’ll concede this point. But that’s not usually the case with this excuse, is it? It’s usually well-meaning people who think if they take some time and attention on their food, exercise, and emotions the world will fall     . . . read more

What Could You Gain by Becoming Effectively Frank™?

What if you had the ability to say with clarity, kindness, and confidence the things you really need to say? How would your life be different? How much easier would it be? How much time, energy, and frustration would be saved? I believe that we can all do better with our communication, but it takes effort and new skills. I’ve set out to create a better way to communicate. It’s called Effectively Frank™. What is Effectively Frank™? It’s saying things in straightforward way, without offending. It’s speaking respectfully AND being crystal clear. I’ll be offering a series of workshops around Portland, Maine in the coming months. First up is Effectively Frank™: Authentic Communication Strategies for Women Entrepreneurs at the Women’s Business Center at CEI in Portland on June 20 from 8:30-10am. Click here more information and to register (only $25!).     . . . read more