This week I got unusually fed up. I even ranted on Facebook, which was truly a first for me.
All the hatin’ was starting to get old.
My breaking point appears to be when people have strong angry reactions to seemingly non-controversial subjects.
I started getting agitated about a post that basically said CrossFit is fundamentally unsafe, due to the risk of rhabdomyolysis. This is potentially helpful information. However, the article focuses on CrossFit with no evidence of the frequency of occurrence relative to other sports. In short, it was a jab at a sport in the guise of a legitimate warning.
It wears on me, this hating just to be negative.
I got pushed over the edge today reading a lovely article about LL Bean’s exceptional return policy. I was surprised by the many comments and decided to take a look. I could never have imagined how some people were angry at the policy and how other people they don’t know choose to return items. Really? You get pissed about an awesome return policy?
What’s this all about? Why are people so darn miserable and contrary?
I stepped back and put on my therapist hat.
Then I got it.
Hating is really about being afraid.
It’s fear that fuels the fire.
If someone is getting ahead, getting fit, getting a free effing backpack, it feels like we are losing, failing, or being ripped off.
I think we are all vulnerable to feeling lesser than. Our worth feels like it’s measured in money, status, fitness, material goods, wins, and right answers. Everywhere we turn there is a way to lose. Deep down we fear that we are inadequate, that we don’t measure up. At every turn, we might be deemed not good enough. We fear being unworthy.
Being unworthy means we don’t really belong. Not belonging means we are alone. Being alone means we are fundamentally unprotected and unsafe. Being unsafe makes us deeply, thoroughly afraid.
Honestly, I truly believe every key issue of our day is about fear.
Fear ruling the day, ruling our government, overshadowing our glorious internet, is the reason to be afraid. Fear makes us unavailable for reason, logic, compromise, and compassion.
Fear is helpful when there is a predator in the immediate area. I suggest reserving fear for such a situation. Otherwise, it is deeply unhelpful.
So, I don’t hate the haters, but I do think they are way off track.
Life is not a zero-sum game.
In fact, we are highly social species. When we are in it together we can, and do, thrive. When we are motivated out of love, kindness, and compassion, there is an unstoppable energy for positive gains.
Gratitude, love, joy, happiness, and abundance are available, but not when we collectively indulge in fear.
I’m going to make more effort to be part of lovin’ and not hatin’. I’m going to be more supportive, more understanding, and more kind-to myself and to those around me.
I will not waste my time ranting and raving again…at least I’ll try.
I will not be jealous but instead be admiring…as best I can.
Being human is a journey with beauty and difficulty. Everyone around you is on the journey too. No one is meant to go it alone. Be brave. Stop cowering in fear. Start to build kindness for yourself so that it may radiate out around you.
Being brave and bold is really, at it’s essence, about practicing radical acceptance, love, and compassion.
Okay, I just said some stuff. What do you think?
Photo Credit: Jason Carling (yeah, that’s 45 pounds people, don’t be hatin’)
I think the weight was closer to 55lbs and I was very impressed until I saw the girl behind you with the topographical map of Nepal on her back (WOW). All kidding aside you make some very good points. There is a lot of negative people out there and they have a way of sucking the life out of me. How people can be jealous or envious of others has always escaped me and at times even aggravated me. I’m usually happy for others success. Not going to lie though it bothers me how many freebies our Government gives out and I tend to spend a lot of time talking and thinking about that issue even though I realize it doesn’t help me to. Some of your points will go a long way helping me through that (If I remember to practice them)
Andy- thank you so much for reading and for your comments. First, the bar is 33 pounds, so actually it’s 43 pounds total. In my defense, I was doing a lot of reps in that particular workout. Also, I was hoping that people would think there was a mirror behind me…but alas you can tell otherwise. Okay, on to more serious matters. I think I may have to write a whole blog post on current frustrations related to our government, because no one can argue that tensions are high. But boy, we argue about everything else. I guess I’ll just simply say that maybe we each have a responsibility to find some common ground. To start to work together and build as opposed to finger point and tear down. I mean on Facebook as much as on Capitol Hill. When it comes to looking at holding people accountable, I think a sensible and efficient system is to look at handouts from the top down. Start with who gets billions, then millions, then thousands, then hundreds. I think all the hate and fear gets in the way of seeing that there truly are some win-win policies that can be made. I suggest each citizen has a responsibility to be more engaged in a productive way and to hold our policy-makers to the same standards. But I’m way off my area of expertise. I just am a passionate believer in collaborative problem-solving and common sense.