Couples Therapy is Worth It

More and more men are participating in couples therapy. If you have thought about it and aren’t sure, or have worries, you are not alone. Most men have reservations. That makes sense. A lot of what you have learned about being a man makes couples therapy feel uneasy. As a couples therapist who has worked with dozens of couples, I’m here to say it’s worth it. 

Here’s what I believe:
When couples do well, everyone does better.

Healthy relationships lead to:

• Happier individuals
• Stronger families
• Better parenting
• Better workplaces (yes, even your job gets better)

You deserve that kind of life. We all do. 

Being a Man in a Relationship Is Hard

I’ll always be a supporter of women’s needs. Let’s be honest, women have been carrying too much for too long. But that doesn’t mean men aren’t struggling too.

Most men were raised with some version of:

• Be strong
• Don’t complain
• Provide and protect
• Don’t show weakness
• Oh, and also—don’t mess up at home or you’ll be seen as inadequate or useless

Sound familiar?

The mixed messages men get can be confusing, frustrating, and isolating. Therapy can help untangle that and help you feel more capable and connected in your relationship.

It’s tempting to tell yourself that you can figure it out alone, with the help of a podcast or two. But it’s pretty complicated to tease out these deep-seeded messages on our own. 

A therapist can really help. Your partner can too. You are, after all, a team. One way to look at couples therapy is as a really productive, sometimes challenging, team meeting. 

Couples Therapy Isn’t As Scary As You Think

One of my favorite comedians, Nate Bargatze, jokes about couples therapy. He says that once he gets in the therapy room, all his complaints kind of fall apart. 

Is that your concern as well? 

It’s valid. Nate Bargatze jests that his therapist (a woman and a wife) really ought to have her husband there just to balance the energy.

In reality, couples therapy is for both of you, and the therapist is not the judge or jury. 

Here’s what you should know:

It’s not a man-bashing session.
Seriously. If it were, I wouldn’t be doing this work. The therapist (me, or whoever you see) is there to make sure both people feel heard and respected.

It’s about understanding your relationship dynamic.
You’ll get better insight into how you and your partner interact, what works, what doesn’t, and how to fix the stuff that’s hurting you both.

It’s about action.
You won’t just talk. You’ll learn ways to actually change things for the better.

Sex and intimacy are important topics.
We talk about your sex life in ways that are honest, useful, and way less awkward than you probably think.

It doesn’t mean your marriage is doomed.
In fact, couples who come in earlier usually leave with stronger, more connected relationships.

Final Thought

You and your partner started this thing because there was something real between you. Something worth fighting for. Life, stress, parenting, and work can really wear you down over time. 

But that doesn’t mean you’ve lost each other.

Couples therapy is about finding your way back and making your connection even stronger.

So if you’ve been thinking about it, or your partner has been asking, or things feel stuck…

Take the step. You’ve got more to gain than you think.

 Leah Ottow, LCSW is an experienced couples therapist with training in the Gottman Method, and Clinical Director at New Approaches.