Last weekend I went to a fantastic concert, right here in Portland. Enjoying the music, I realized I was not just hearing it, but feeling it as well. There were thirteen musicians on stage, so there was a lot to watch. I felt more deeply relaxed than I had in quite some time. I felt alert but calm, my body let go of tension. My mind was focused and engaged. It seemed like an optimal state of being. Needless to say, it was highly enjoyable.

This experience got me thinking about Aaron Bilodeau of Exist Anew, and the fantastic piece he wrote last week, as part of the New Perspectives Series on this blog. He explains how he was able to use an evolutionary perspective to make life changes that helped improve his mental health. His perspective is that if we consider the types of foods, activities, and environments we were evolved to thrive in, we can start to understand why the modern world is stressful to our minds and bodies.

Aaron suggested some key ways that we can help our bodies and minds function more optimally in our modern environment: eating food that at least resembles the food our ancestors ate, moving our bodies, and being outside more often. I have also observed that these changes do promote well-being. At the concert, I began to think about what else might help promote well-being from an ancestral perspective? I came up with some more ideas, but first let me explain more about the “problem”…

It seems to me that the majority of Americans are stressed out much of the time. When I ask people in the office how often they feel relaxed, most say they are NEVER relaxed. This is a big problem.

I think using an evolutionary perspective is helpful in understanding why we are stressed and why we seldom have relaxation. I think it has to do, at least in part, with our primitive fear response. The oldest part of the brain is the region that is responsible for responding to threats from the environment by increasing heart rate, allowing blood to rush to the limbs, directing oxygen to fill the lungs, tensing muscles, elevating emotions and disabling reasoning skills. We are ready to take on the predator by fighting or fleeing, and hopefully surviving the outcome. This system probably worked well for our ancestors, since here we are today!

This fear-driven fight or flight response was optimal in an environment where big predators lived and we needed a fast and effective way to survive. Our current environment is much different. Even in Maine, I rarely encounter a predator! However, our brain still perceives “threats” from anything potentially stressful, even an upcoming test, a work assignment, a fleeting negative thought, or even a memory of an earlier time where we felt unsafe.  A fight or flight response is not picky. If a stimulus, internal or external, seems “scary” it will trigger the system to have a full-on fear response. The problem is the fight or flight response will not protect us from a test or assignment or a negative thought. Instead, most people are confused as to why they are feeling this natural response, which, absent the need to fight or flee, is highly uncomfortable. Not knowing what it is, often people fear they are going crazy, dying, or having a heart attack. These concerns then make us further afraid, increasing the duration of the fear response. We call these “symptoms” panic attacks and anxiety.

I think it’s very interesting that we have the same physiological response to real or just perceived threats. The bear is the same to my brain and body as an algebra test (assuming that I’m fearful of a math test, which is probably pretty accurate). Knowing this makes me a lot more aware. I don’t want to make my body and brain go through something that I don’t need to. I try to have the discipline to catch my thoughts and say, “Don’t go down that track, you’ll just have a completely unnecessary fear response.” I read recently that we are actually more resilient to emotional pain if we are less anxious (I’ll keep looking for that source and update this post when I find it). So there is only a disadvantage to firing off the fear system without a true physical risk to life or limb.

If you think you are experiencing the fear response on a regular basis, you may need help learning how to respond to it differently, trigger it less often, and get out of a vicious cycle. That is where counseling can be very helpful and probably necessary to get some relief.

For people who are recovering from panic and anxiety or for folks who want to do more to reduce vulnerability to stress and anxiety, I have some ideas. I’ve noticed in my practice that when clients are feeling less anxious, they almost always start to engage in a creative project. I know things have turned a corner when someone comes in and talks about painting for the first time in years, or picking up a musical instrument that they used to love to play. Sometimes, it’s just that they have music going in the background, are singing in the shower, or are laughing more with friends. I’ve started to wonder if things like music, art, dancing, laughter, reading, writing, relaxation, fun, celebration are cues to our brains that we are enjoying a period of safety and abundance. Maybe it cues the fear response to chill out for a while.

I believe these aspects of thriving are essential to being well. I also think they may be the factors that help keep us out of a constant fear response. Our ancestors did a lot to make sure our species survived into the 21st century. We can learn to thrive now, but we need to be careful what messages we give our brains and bodies. Nourishing food, sleep, social connection, music, art, laughter, dance are all markers of thriving. Things like going to a concert help us recognize that we are not just surviving, but can have celebration and abundance. Learning how to manage our thoughts, feelings, and natural responses can give us new insights into ways to be peaceful in our minds and bodies.

What do you do to thrive?

Note from Hannah: This the first in a series of guest posts with the goal of providing new perspectives to mental health, wellness, and being a human. This piece is written by Aaron Bilodeau, co-founder of Exist Anew.

My brain is broken, I thought to myself, as I sat in a plush, brown leather chair in my psychiatrist’s office; the perfect cliché- in an old brick building in downtown Portland, Maine. I stared, vacantly, through a large bay window, the sun’s rays cast upon my face, warming my skin through the white sheer curtains. Being a few stories up, I gazed at a slightly veiled view of  the modest skyline of the city I grew up in, amidst the backdrop of sparkling ocean and blue sky. The view made it easy to transport myself elsewhere, in avoidance of what I was being told: “You have a mental illness and you need stronger medication.”

This visit was the culmination of many other painstaking appointments, over years, with therapists and other doctors abound in which I was prescribed different anti-depressants and other drugs for a variety of health issues. From the time I was a teenager, chronic insomnia, panic attacks and mood disturbances led me to a multitude of diagnoses: Depression, Panic Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Cyclothymia… call it whatever; I just wanted to feel better, even “normal.” At the time, in my late twenties, I experienced an air of skepticism and frankly, hopelessness, that I would ever feel well.

So, there I found myself, contemplating treatment with more and stronger medications with potentially serious, frightening and lifelong side effects. My general detachment from this conversation quickly turned to fear, then anger, at this prospect. I felt deeply that this path was not for me and I became incensed with a renewed passion, even desperation, to move as far away from this path as I possibly could.

It was around this time that I encountered a truly unsuspecting catalyst for this journey; I found the novel, Ishmael, written by Daniel Quinn. It’s a story of fiction that incorporates factual events about how human life has changed since the Agricultural Revolution, around 10,000 years ago. I know what you’re saying, what the heck does this have to do with mental illness? Allow me to explain…

As homo sapiens, our species have been around for about 200,000 years (and other species recognizable as humans for much longer.) For the vast majority of that time, humans have been hunter-gatherers- living outside, eating wild foods. Around 10,000 years ago, some humans decided to make some big changes, namely, growing and raising their own food through agriculture. This change led to surpluses of food that became “locked up,” which then led to the creation of different means of work, in order to get money to buy that locked up food. This occurred along with tremendous and rapid rise in population and development of hierarchies within civilizations.

Thanks for the history lesson right…so why does this matter?

Well, it matters because over millions of years of evolution, nature has made some requirements for our health through food and lifestyle that literally affect us on a genetic level. They are nature’s non-negotiables, and human life, which changed dramatically following the agricultural revolution, has progressively neglected this.

Here is a very abbreviated way to look at it:

Food-Before agriculture, our food was wild, full of nutrition and medicinal properties and free from pesticides and pollution. Today, almost all of our food is genetically modified and low in nutrients and medicinal properties, high in calories and full of pesticides.

Work Stress- Before agriculture, humans worked modest hours to secure their survival needs, in nature, breathing in fresh air and absorbing sunlight. Today, most humans work stressful and seemingly endless hours inside buildings, under florescent lights.

Movement- Before agriculture, humans used to move and lift objects frequently as part of survival. Today, we are often docile because our lives require little movement. We move from seated position to seated position with little regular movement (with the exception of some gym workouts-if we can manage that- thrown in.)

Support and Nurturing- Before agriculture, humans enjoyed the safety of tribes, social connections and ways of upbringing that worked for them over eons. Today, many of us do not experience the necessary familial and social connections and support necessary to create healthy people.

The previous examples briefly highlight what most of us know we need to make us healthy:  Healthy food, lowered stress levels, movement, exposure to the outdoors and support and nurturing. But rather than have this be just some generic health advice, it’s crucial to remember that through millions of years of evolution, they all affect our health on a genetic level. Yet, they are all disappearing from human life at a rapid pace and we have poor health and a change in our genetic expression of disease to show for it.

We are now living completely out of context. Our very environment is becoming completely toxic and malnourishing, from the food we eat and water we drink to the relationships we experience to the way we live our lives-our basic needs are no longer being met.

Diseases of modern times, like cardiovascular disease, diabetes, obesity and even mental illness, which have become an epidemic today, did not exist in any prominence, if at all, in our ancestors. Nor do they exist in modern wild human populations.

This realization changed everything for me, because I realized that the symptoms I had been suffering from were not indicative of an isolated or personal flaw. They were, at least to a significant extent, a sign of the times; a product of the modern human’s dilemma of illness from living out of context with our evolutionary requirements for health.

Now, I don’t want to simplify mental illness because having dealt with it personally and working professionally with people with mental illness, I realize its extreme complexity. It will require a lot of support from many areas to help most of us experience a consistent level of mental and physical health. But, shouldn’t we begin by understanding our evolutionary requirements for health as a new perspective upon which to look at mental illness, and disease in general? The level of illness we see today is not the natural state of humanity.

Think about it like this- what if you took a wild animal and placed it almost entirely indoors and made it reliant on others for food very different from what it had always eaten in the wild? Food that was full of sugar, low in nutrients and, in many cases, full of toxins. What if this wild animal spent the rest of its life, alienated from its natural environment, moving far less than it ever had because it was encaged in a small area. What if this animal was forced to do stressful tricks for eight hours a day or more , five days a week, for fear of losing its food and shelter (and often alongside other animals it didn’t like?) What would you expect this wild animal’s health to look like? Aren’t we kind of like this wild animal? If so, then it becomes no wonder so many of us are ill.

We certainly cannot create all of the same wild conditions that our hunter-gatherer ancestors lived in, nor am I suggesting we wish to go back in time. However, we should feel assured that we can make dramatic changes given what we know about how the human animal evolved to be healthy.

For me, the biggest changes occurred when I altered my diet. While this would require a much more in-depth conversation, my diet gradually became based in food much closer to what our ancestors ate, and modern wild humans eat. We can’t always eat truly wild foods but we can use them as a guideline:

• While a wild turkey might be best, an organic, free range chicken is a lot better than chicken mcnuggets.

• While harvesting your own wild grains might be best, store bought wild rice is a lot better than a loaf of white bread or pasta.

• While foraging wild plants might be best, organic salad mix is a lot better than iceberg lettuce.

• While catching your own wild fish might be best, choosing wild fish at the market is better than frozen fish sticks.

Gradually eliminating sugar and most modern, processed foods really made the biggest difference for me. However, other lifestyle changes were critical as well, and involved me changing the entire framework of my life. This included changing how and what I do for work, altering social relationships and reconnecting with movement and nature. All of these changes were made upon the foundational knowledge of what is required to become a healthy, human animal.

So have all of these changes “cured” me? Heck no. But it has been years since I have required any type of medication and virtually every marker of my health has improved. The fear, anger and sometimes hopelessness I felt at my previous prognosis has been replaced by the calm that comes with increased knowledge and steady changes. This was not an overnight, dramatic change, but rather a gradual process over years that I am still very much taking part in. I’m confident that anyone could take similar steps to enjoy the increased health and freedom that goes along with recognizing our deeply rooted requirements for health.

Aaron Bilodeau is the co-creator of www.existanew.com, a project that challenges conventional notions on how to foster health, live and be happy. If you have questions for Aaron please contact him at existanew@gmail.com.

Recently I heard a talk radio program where the host said (in reference to what, I cannot remember), “This is not like psychotherapy where they are trying to fix you…” I couldn’t hear the rest because I was in total shock. I knew this point of view existed, but I had never heard it said so succinctly: psychotherapists try to fix people. I could only think in little sound bites: Wait. Time out. FALSE.

It took me a couple of weeks to recover and process. So now let me say in response that I’m not interested in fixing anyone. I don’t believe anyone is broken. At the heart of it, I actually think most people fear they are broken, but are not. It’s this fear that creates a lot of problems.

As a therapist, I do not try to fix things or people. I try to normalize the human experience. I help in another way key way, too: unearthing options that have been previously undiscovered.

It’s a bit difficult to convince people that they haven’t thought of all the possible ways to deal with a thought, feeling, relationship, or situation. But you haven’t. I haven’t. It’s a big problem because people think, “What’s a therapist going to tell me that I don’t already know?” My response is actually, “Quite a bit.”

As a therapist, I’m really just a creative, collaborative generator of possible choices. I listen, reflect, try to make sure I get what’s being said. Then through dialogue and questions, I help find more options than previously considered. Some ideas I bring up, some come up from clients just by talking in a new way about their situation.

It’s not because I’m all awesomely creative that I come up with ideas. It’s really because I talk with a lot of people in a deep and meaningful way all day. I’ve started to hear about lots of ways of doing things. I also try to read and collect ideas from a broad range of sources. I’m excited everyday to learn something new and to figure out how I might apply it to my work.

Out of this desire to collect new viewpoints, I’m starting a guest post series on this blog. I’ve met some very talented people who have interesting things to say about the world of health, wellness, and being human from their own unique perspectives. I’ve asked them to share here on this blog.

Last week, I featured a beautifully-done piece by Portland, Maine writer and musician James Day Leavitt. In the weeks to come I have a great line up for you:

Aaron Bilodeau, co-creator of www.existanew.com, a project that challenges conventional notions on how to foster health, live, and be happy.

Dawn Clancy, creator of Growing Up Chaotic, a blog and radio program for those determined to SURVIVE and THRIVE despite growing up in toxicity – i.e. a childhood immersed in alcohol, drugs and physical, emotional or mental abuse. Her goal? Create a community hell bent on breaking, cracking and demolishing the cycle of dysfunction.

Lynn Shattuck, Portland, Maine writer and mother of two recently featured on Love for Lemons. She writes warm, touching, and often humorous pieces on topics such as perfectionism, parenting, and grief.

I hope you will read, share, and comment. The more we talk together, the more ideas are shared, the more options we see in our world, the easier it is to make choices that work for our own lives.

It’s an odd place to get parenting advice, but the best story regarding mothering I ever heard was from Penn Jillette on Marc Maron’s podcast WTF. Penn talked about how his mother’s philosophy was that she loved and cherished her children for who they were, from the moment of birth, and never for what they did. She delighted in their joys, but it was never about accomplishments.

According to Penn, she was once offended by a producer who asked her if she were proud of her son for receiving a positive New York Times review. She was horrified at the suggestion and put him in his place by affirming it was not his accomplishments that made her proud, but who he was and had always been. That’s the kind of mom I want to be.

Like Mrs. Jillette, I hope to be secure and self-assured enough to say honestly to my child, “There is nothing you need to do or be to make my life more complete. My greatest joy is just to experience you being you.” I want to keep my child safe and teach her what I can. But I need to let go of my own expectations and not dictate the direction of her life. It’s not about me. It is her life.

I hope I can be wise enough to realize that my viewpoint and life experience will not be the same as my child’s. I need to let go of thinking I know the right outcome for her. I hope that she learns much in life that is different and more expansive than what I know. There are so many things I can’t teach her. I want her life filled with warm, supportive people who can offer lessons I can’t, like how to cook, sing, start a fire, change a tire, swim. If I’m lucky, I’ll be learning too.

I hope I can be grounded enough to always consider her needs over my feelings. When she is slumped over, mid-tantrum, in the appropriately-named child’s pose, I hope I ask myself, “What do I need to be showing and teaching her in this moment with my words and actions?” and not, “Why is she doing this to me right now?”

I hope I can take good enough care of myself and my emotions that I recognize more often than not, that parenting is not about me. It’s about what is in my child’s best interest. It’s not about being right or in control. It’s about what is best for her.

At night she always say, “Let’s talk about my day.” Now that I can do. And that is about me. And it’s about us- our connection, our engagement, our love, and our relationship. That’s where I matter the most. That’s where I want to invest my attention and time. I hope to have many days that end saying, “Yeah, let’s talk about your day!”

Each day I get to talk to her, to experience her growth and learning, is a good day for me. It will never matter what was accomplished, what awards were won, which people were impressed. Just being there for her will always be enough. She is always enough.

I’m pleased to offer this piece by guest writer, James Day Leavitt. (photo credit: Siobhán Butler)

I imagine my past as a long hallway, with doors along each side of the corridor. Behind some doors are my difficult experiences. Things I don’t want to see anymore.  Regrets, mistakes, animosities, hostilities, hurts and lost loves.
I don’t want to replay these things. They are uncomfortable to see. I am embarrassed and would like to start fresh, new, and unencumbered by the past. That’s why re-birth, and absolution of ones sins is so popular a concept. I’ve spent a lot of time and energy (memory energy) going back and checking the doors to make sure they are secure, locked, or at least mostly closed. I get scared they may come out and poison what I have made or are about to make my life into. Like a phobia, I can never be fully sure that all the doors are closed all the time. And in this frantic double and triple checking, it is impossible to be at ease or at one with my present experiences.

Once I begin to open these doors, one by one, and allow my forsaken, my undesirable, my forbidden pasts, or selves to flow freely, I begin the process of forgiving myself. I may even have to forgive myself for things I didn’t do, since the warped version of my responsibilities lie within my own version of blame. And sometimes that blame is wrongly placed on myself. My blame becomes regret and regret brings me back to the doors, frantically keeping them shut to prevent leakage, the slipping out of the true raw reality of past. I start to open the door to accept that these things were real in my past. That I somehow got through that time. I allow them their own space, in the time of my past. Once I can do this, I am surprised to see that not having to check those doors has freed me up to live my life again. I am shocked that those things, from my past, don’t need to rush into my current existence. They just need to occupy their own space to remind me of what I have endured. They just want to be acknowledged as having happened. On good days, they exist in my personal history, or make-up, but no longer have to infiltrate my thoughts and dreams and occupy  so much of the space I need within myself  to be present  in the moments of my life that click by, within my being, in real time.

One by one,
we live.

Second by second,
a life.

Granted within
each
moment.

Living and breathing
our
own time.

James Day Leavitt is a writer, musician and occasional painter. He was born and raised in Maine. He spent most of his 20′s in Oakland, California. He returned to Maine in 1999 and currently resides there with his wife, Katie, and two daughters, Audrey and Ida. Visit http://jamesdayleavitt.com/ for more info.

Being self-assured yields kindness and contentment. This is contrary to what most of us were taught, and yet I’m increasingly sure that it is true. This is why, in my recent post about being self-assured, I questioned the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary about words “related” to self-assured: vain, egotistical, pompous.

In my mind, being self-assured means being on one’s own team, with a commitment to working on the skills and internal resources that help us through new challenges. It means having trust in one’s own ability to show up and figure it out regardless of what life throws our way.

I think there is a real problem when we equate working on things like positive self-talk, emotional regulation, wellness, and self-care with being “vain” “egotistical” and “selfish.” I hear this quite frequently in my office. Many really nice people think it’s selfish to be in therapy or to take time to help themselves feel better. No, I say. Taking time to feel well and gain helpful skills is about the best community service you can do.

Let me explain with an example. Who would you rather spend time with: A.) a person who is generally pretty upbeat who has a fairly predictable range of emotions and reactions and generally understanding and helpful OR B.) a person who does the opposite, who bombards you with negativity, complaining, yelling, the silent treatment, or aggression for reasons that either you don’t understand or are out of proportion to the situation and whom you generously dub “difficult.”

I admit that most of us are probably somewhere in the middle of Person A and Person B. No one is calm and collected all the time, and that’s probably a good thing. But my point is, being more self-assured is something that is quite desirable. It’s the underlying trait that makes people truly kind, steady, and easy to be around.

If we have emotional “stuff” bugging us, as we all will at many points in our lives, it requires attention and work. Otherwise, emotions bubble up and come out in ways that invariably impact others. Always. I get the “I don’t want to be selfish” concern, but taking care of your emotional life is not selfish. Not one little bit. NOT taking care of your emotional life will keep you inching towards being Person B. Don’t be Person B. It’s miserable.

Being on the journey towards increasing self-assurance is kind to yourself and to the world. It is not selfish. Selfishness is the product of unmet emotional needs always coming to the surface. Selfishness is needing to drag down others with your oozing and overwhelming needs, that only you can really learn to fully address. Others are there for validation, encouragement, listening, and even cheerleading. They are not there to manage your feelings. If you are managing your feelings (not denying, pushing away, projecting onto others but really feeling, owning and working through them), you are contributing positively to the world.

I’m no mathematician, but I think more self-assured people=a better world.

What do you think?

Can being self-assured help us to go boldly into unknown life territory? This is a question I’ve been thinking about lately. But what does it mean to be self-assured? To me, it seems like a very desirable quality, something to cultivate in oneself and in our children. In my curiosity, I did some research. According to Merriam-Webster Online, the term means “sure of oneself: self-confident.” It says that related words include: vain, egotistical, pompous.

I partly agree, but I have some issues with this definition and with the “related” words. I guess this begs the questions: Who am I to take issue with the dictionary? Am I self-assured or really pompous after all?!

In my mind, being self-assured means having a sense that one can make it through what life throws our way. It means cultivating helpful self-talk and being on your own team. Life is hard, you don’t always know what to do. You may be scared or unsure. Being self-assured (in my unofficial dictionary), is having some acceptance of this and still trying our best. It means showing up physically and emotionally and being in the driver’s seat of our lives. Even the self-assured need to buckle up because it’s often a bumpy ride.

In my humble (and yet self-assured!) opinion, self-confidence is a little different. I think confidence is the belief that you can accomplish something. Usually we gain confidence through previous life experience. I am confident in my skills as a therapist from roughly 10 years of training and practice. Prior to becoming a parent (where you clearly cannot get the experience until becoming one), I did feel self-assured because I was committed to managing my emotions, accepting things I cannot control, and willing to get help and support whenever or wherever I hit an inevitable bump in the road. These two examples feel really different to me.

It seems to me that confidence is trust on one’s abilities and self-assurance is trust in one’s self. I need previous experience to be confident. I need a rich knowledge of my internal resources (emotional, physical, spiritual) to be self-assured.

Self-confidence is great for preparing in many aspects of life. It’s a positive thing, but I don’t think it goes far enough. I think we need to develop self-assurance for the many situations for which you cannot prepare.

What do you think? Is there a difference between self-confidence and being self-assured? How do you feel about the term?

Next post, I’m going to take on those “closely related” words. If you have thoughts on that, too, I’d be very interested.

Thanks for reading- if you are interested please subscribe to this blog, check out my Facebook where I post interesting links, and feel free to share with friends!

Photo Credit: Dreamstime.com

EMDR is a very interesting, highly effective type of therapy. I’ve been working hard lately to spread the word about its usefulness. If you’d like some background on this well-researched therapy that is effective with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), anxiety, phobias and many other issues check out my recent interview on Growing Up Chaotic and my blog posts here and here.

I promised I’d follow up with any questions I received, so here I go (please note that this is for educational purposes only. This information is not a substitute for medical advice. If you believe you are suffering from a mental health disorder, please talk with your health care practitioner for diagnosis and treatment information).

Question: Is EMDR only for big traumas like combat, assault and serious car accidents?

Hannah’s answer: No! While these examples are experiences that are likely to be traumatic, it does not have to be a “major” trauma to use EMDR. Many of my clients are using EMDR to help reprocess early life experiences that reinforced unhelpful messages and negative beliefs about self. Here are examples of the range of issues I am using EMDR to help clients with: body image, care-taking, anger, loneliness, over-eating, co-dependence, and conflict avoidance.

Question: Do I have to do trauma reprocessing to do EMDR?

Hannah’s answer: No, again! EMDR can also be used to help reinforce and strengthen existing positive beliefs about self. It can also be used to gain emotional regulation skills. It can be used to help prepare for difficult experiences you have coming up in your life. There are many applications for EMDR. You can even do some self-help with EMDR, and I recommend Laurel Parnell’s book, Tapping In.

Question: Can I do EMDR wrong?!

Hannah’s answer: No, as long as you are working with a trained EMDR therapist. Your therapist is there to guide you. There is no right or wrong in EMDR. It’s your therapists job to help whenever there is a stuck point. You can’t do it wrong, although most people worry that they will.

Question: How do I know if I need EMDR?

Hannah’s answer: If you discover a pattern that is hard to break, a response that is out of proportion to the situation, a recurring response associated with trauma, or an inability to cope with strong emotions, then EMDR may be helpful to you. To be honest, probably everyone could benefit from EMDR.

Question: How do I know if I’m ready to reprocess my trauma?

Hannah’s answer: Not everyone is ready for trauma processing. In order to process trauma, you need to feel stable, with a strong support network, a variety of emotional regulation skills, and the ability to tolerate strong emotions without self-harming or using substances. Starting therapy to gain these skills is essential work to prepare for the reprocessing phase of EMDR.

Have more questions or want to start EMDR therapy? Feel free to contact me.

I want to thank Dawn Clancy for having me on her terrific show, Growing Up Chaotic.  Her program is all about overcoming issues related to growing up with addiction, abuse, and overall chaos. I’m inspired by her empowering message and her willingness to share of herself to help others. It was truly a privilege to be part of what she’s doing! You can listen to episode on demand here.

I talked about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and EMDR. For listeners and interested others I’ve compiled a list of resources. I’m also taking questions and will be writing a post answering these questions next week.

Here is a great article by Francine Shapiro, founder of EMDR, answering questions from NY Times readers: “The Evidence on E.M.D.R.”

A very comprehensive resource for all aspects of EMDR is the EMDR Institute website at emdria.org.

A good book to read if you are interested in doing EMDR and want to know more about what to expect is EMDR: The Breakthrough “Eye Movement” Therapy for Overcoming Anxiety, Stress, and Trauma by Francine Shapiro.

For those interested in a self-help form of EMDR, I highly recommend Tapping In: A Step-by-Step Guide to Activating Your Healing Resources Through Bilateral Stimulation by Laurel Parnell

My blog posts about EMDR are here and here.

I hope you will follow along with my blog and also feel free to contact me with questions.

Tomorrow I will be a guest on the internet radio program Growing Up Chaotic to discuss EMDR and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It’s at 7pm EST and I hope you will listen.

As a result, I’ve got EMDR on the brain. I’ve been using this type of therapy with many of my clients for several years now. What I’ve learned is that EMDR can be a tool for change when you have an old pattern that just won’t budge.

EMDR is a comprehensive form of therapy that is well-researched and highly effective. It is an approach that is done by  psychotherapists who have received specific training. “What is EMDR?,” you ask: well my previous post will start to answer that question- click here.

In my practice I tend to use EMDR when clients indicate a history of trauma or a single traumatic event that is related to current problems or distress. I also see a very clear use for EMDR when clients find that they have troublesome feelings or reactions despite previous therapy and even when they intellectually know what to do, but the response is so automatic that they cannot help it.

In my mind, many automatic responses are learned to cope with an early life situation. If you grew up needing a response to cope in your environment (for example, shutting down emotionally, yelling to get attention, avoiding conflict at all cost), these coping mechanisms may become counter-productive when your environment changes. For people who grow up making changes in their lives (which is healthy!), these old coping responses become out-dated. However, they are so well learned in childhood that we can’t always get them to change without help.

EMDR can often help process old patterns and the negative messages about self that go along with them. For someone who grows up not getting much attention, the skills of being emotionally shut down and being ruggedly independent may end up working well. In the child’s perspective, though, the message about the self is something like, “I’m not important” or “I am not worthy of attention.” This is because children can only see the world through their own perspective. Everything that happens is interpreted to be about them. This means that these very old automatic responses are also tied with negative beliefs.

How this plays out is that we grow up with certain coping responses and when we unconsciously sense that we are in a situation that feels like the old situation, we tend to use the same responses. These responses are not just behavioral and emotional, they also are tied with core beliefs about ourselves. So the person who grows up being emotionally neglected may sense danger when another person wants to be connected to them. The old pattern of shutting down and the belief about not being worthy of connection will automatically come into play. This all happens without us really understanding where these thoughts and feelings come from.

There are other ways to work on these automatic responses and negative beliefs, but I find that EMDR works the best for those who have benefited from other forms of therapy but still want to break these old patterns once and for all. If you are thinking of trying EMDR, I recommend looking for a therapist who is fully trained in EMDR, uses EMDR regularly, receives consultation specific to EMDR, as well as actively continues his/her professional development in EMDR.

Have questions about EMDR? I’m going to follow up with another post next week, so please feel free to contact me or leave a comment below.